Attention Pastors - Why Pastoral Care Matters
“Would you like me to let your church know you are in the hospital?” I asked my elderly patient. I had just learned the patient has been an active member in one of the larger churches in my community. I wish I could say I was surprised when the patient and family members gave me an emphatic “no.”
Sadly, the story was a familiar one. The church and pastor had been aware the patient was in poor health for many months. And yet there had been no calls and no visits. The person was on the church “prayer list”, but no one had reached out in a personal way. The patient felt abandoned by the church he had loved and supported for several decades.
As a hospital chaplain, I have heard similar stories hundreds and hundreds of times, and the problem spans all denominations and all sized churches. This failure to provide pastoral care is a tragedy at several levels.
These elderly members feel abandoned by their church, and this perceived neglect layers emotional and spiritual pain on top of whatever physical ailments they are battling. Additionally, the member’s children and grandchildren see the spiritual neglect of the church, and frankly…it pisses them off. Mom (or Dad, etc.) has been sick for years and she only hears from the church during pledge season.
This absence of pastoral care alienates three and sometimes four generations within a family. The church doesn’t just lose that one relatively inactive member, they lose any chance to connect with multiple generations of a family. I have had families with 30+ people tell me they’re unlikely to return to their church because of how the pastor neglected their loved one. An old pastor cliché says that people do not care how much you know until they know how much you care. I see this proved true on a weekly basis.
The role of hospital chaplain has become far more important in the last 10-15 years. Patients and families are looking to chaplains to fill the spiritual void left by their pastors. We chaplains are increasingly asked to preside at funerals because we have provided care for the person and family where the pastor has not.
Recently, I received a call from a member of a church I served prior to becoming a chaplain. This person had experienced what I’ve described and more. In addition to an absence of needed pastoral care as health declined, there was no acknowledgement or appreciation expressed for 40+ years serving in a key church leadership position. Tearfully, this person shared that they no longer felt welcome in their own church and did not feel comfortable having their funeral in the church. This person was calling to ask if I would preside at a graveside service when the time came. It was a heartbreaking conversation for me and for this precious child of God.
If you are a pastor or leader in a church, I implore you to review your system of pastoral care. If your medically fragile members are contacted more frequently by the finance team than by the pastor and care team, your church as a problem! There are many ways to provide this needed pastoral care in churches of all sizes. If you need ideas, reach out to me and I’ll be happy to share my thoughts.